I’m not going to lie - when I first read this story published on April 1, I thought for sure it was an April Fool’s joke. After all, not even the government could possibly be this stupid.
…could it?
Oh, it could. As just proven by the overseers of the Montgomery Township in Pennsylvania (which, side note, is controlled by Democrats), who painted - and I swear, this is real - squiggly lines on a local road to help prevent people from speeding.
In case it wasn’t clear by my mention of the term “squiggly lines,” I mean actual, S-shaped lane dividers that looked like this:
ABC2 reports the town’s residents initially thought they were being punked, assuming there was no way anyone would be asinine enough to paint a road like this. Unfortunately for them, the lines had been intentionally painted by a reportedly very sober police department, in coordination with town leaders. The intent, they said, was to deter speeding, which was apparently a known and common problem on this stretch of Grays Lane.
Perhaps most disturbingly, locals who live on this street say they weren’t given any warning before the lines were redrawn, saying they popped out of their houses one day to see their street looked like something out of a carnival funhouse of mirrors.
One resident called the new pattern “awkward,” and “weird,” with others saying that they just don’t see how making cars zig-zag all over the place will keep people from breaking the speed limit. It’s also not clear how forcing drivers to go through a series of back-and-forth maneuvers will keep anybody safer, given that driving all over the asphalt like this on any other street would probably get you pulled over and breathalyzed.
I'd also point out that the Powers That Be just handed bored teenagers a fun new vehicular challenge.
Some people have reportedly taken to just ignoring the lines altogether, opting to drive in a straight line like normal and creating a major hazard for anyone traveling in the opposite lane who might be trying to swerve within the margins.
Leave it to the government to try to “solve” one problem, only to create a much bigger, more confusing, and possibly even deadlier one.
Somebody test them. Maybe they’re drunk.